Round of applause please for home & gift-loving MPs

One thing everyone’s forgetting as the Westminster scandal rolls on like an especially seedy series of Dallas, is the most excellent job our MPs have been doing to support the home, gift and garden centre trades of late. 

Given our line of business, should we not be applauding justice minister Shahid Malik, who in the last few years has decided that a diverse array of items are crucial to his ability to work, including: wardrobes, saucepans, crockery, cutlery, sofas, coffee tables, more crockery, lamps, beds, mirrors, chests of drawers, prints, more mirrors, rugs, kettles and a toaster. What a guy - Spring Fair should make him Season’s club member!

Also eminent among the houseware-supporting members is Sir Michael Spicer, currently swinging off his (very nice, thank you) chandelier, while garden centres up and down the country must surely be applauding our prime paddock-maintainer, David Davis, gardening supremo Sir Alan Haselhurst and the rose-tinted David Heathcoat-Amory, who has such a fondness for plants that he rewards them with a particularly rich variety of horse manure. Wyevale, Dobbies and Notcutts take note, you may have found a new poster boy! (do they deal with moats as well, do you think, might be a growing trend?)

I must say, however, that I’m disappointed none of our MPs have - as yet, so far as I’m aware - done much to support the greetings card, jewellery or toy industries, which could also do with a bit of a boost at the minute. Very poor show on that score if you ask me, they need to get their acts together and buy some more stuff.